People with bipolar disorder go through a lot of personal spells in their life. I remember a moment I just quit my job without any prior plan or thinking, and just told my boss ‘I quit’. Just like that. At that moment it’s not you. You don’t understand what happens. Those decisions are made for you by an overthinking part of your brain.
There are many triggers to these periods shift from low, middle and high. I was once looking for a job, got very good interviews with exceptional companies and was excited about it. I would spend my entire time prepping for the interview, in excitement mode, poring over everything, even interviewing myself in my head. I would tackle all the questions. Damn, it was good. I would research everything. You see, I am not a fast thinker, but my mind is able to connect a lot of things. I have always been exceptional at understanding. Knowledge is about patterns, and my brain is very good at it. I have always known this since I was young. Things make sense to me so easily. The way it links objects for my understanding has always amazed me, even topics I am not good at, I make the connection, and I understand really well.
So back to the interview preparation. I would be ready. I would have all the answers, I would be full of energy. I would be ready. I would convince myself that I was getting this job, and it would be convincing. Then comes the real moment for the interview, and just like that, my lowest moment would shoot. I would become someone else. I would be dead inside. I would forget everything. I would be mad with myself. I would leave that room knowing that nobody in their sane mind would give me that job.
Maybe it was the anxiety triggers or the probability of not getting that job that would trigger my low moments. Maybe it’s that fear. Or maybe it would be the battle between my reality and being bipolar. I have never understood that. That’s just a typical example of someone going through bipolar.